Friends, I have returned! Did you miss my bodily witticisms?
Last Friday's procedure went off without a hitch, thank goodness. I feel quite happy to have the explorations over and done with. I was under for about an hour. The last thing I remember is the nice Lebanese anesthesiologist talking about scuba diving in the Red Sea and coming at me with a big syringe and then...nothing.
I came to as a nurse beckoned me toward the light, offering juice or water. But no, no: I needed to poop and I announced it suddenly, surprised at my own consciousness. She laughed at me and said, "I highly doubt that. It's the pressure but go on and pass that gas." No, lady. I NEED TO POOP. She then offered to walk me to the bathroom. In fact, I did leave a little souvenir in the toilet but it wasn't very remarkable. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was air. Even still...the urge did exist and no amount of wind-breaking was going to trick my mind into thinking it was just CO2 buildup!
Three biopsies and a few samples worse for wear, I left that office around noon. By Saturday evening I was recovering nicely. I even managed to eat some solid food after essentially 48 hours of clear liquids. [On a side note: I now understand the healing power of the cleanse. Granted Gwyneth's are not pre-op but still, they are quite effective in purging toxins of all kinds with a force to rival Victoria Falls. Remind me to do one before my next Red Carpet event.]
Things I learned:
*will never drink blue Gatorade again. I don't care if I'm in a fall-out shelter (a la The Road) and it's the last beverage on earth: after 2, 32oz bottles of it I would rather die dehydrated and happy than choke that nasty-ass syrup down.
*Miralax, when consumed by the bottle, if the equivalent of a fancy spa enema (for the low cost of $9.87) Frugal!
*4 Dulcolax pills + preexisting diarrhea = hilarity
*Italian Ice is gluten free
*White cranberry juice tastes nothing like red cranberry juice
*Just how many times can you go to the bathroom in a day? Survey says: 16.
Fun times at Digestive Healthcare Center. 9/10 on Trip Advisor.com.
So now we wait. And wait. And - oh yeah - if the invasion of my lower GI tract wasn't enough excitement for the week, how about a "full stool workup" to go along with that? Sign me up!
Three days of pinching one off in a plastic bathroom cup just strips the romance away. There's no going back when you become that intimately acquainted with your own waste, siphoning it off with little plastic spatulas into vials full of indeterminate, funeral-home-smelling liquids with tiny, illegible labels that appear to be screaming at you in Spanish (don't put it in your eye? what the hell? it's a TURD, for crissakes. Why would you want that anywhere near your ojos?)
The last day - the one that really upped the ante with four vials instead of three - was the day I couldn't bring myself to move, natch. So I got up extra early the following morning, ate some extra fiber, drank some hot coffee and did my Pilates tape. Yep. That did the trick, all right. One epic, healthy sample, fresh from the pipes!
I brought the nice Quest technician a neatly organized Starbucks bag full of meticulously shaken and stirred collectibles from the mixed up bowels of yours truly. They are "growing" as I type this so if any little larvae pop up in the next week, I'll let you know!
Stay tuned and happy eating!
xoxo,
GG
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours to go-oh-oh...
I really DO want to be sedated.
Please.
Someone.
In preparation for delightful testing tomorrow, I have not been able to eat food since 8:00 pm last night. I went for an invigorating run: my first since Saturday (tragic, I know) and feasted on banana and peanut butter for my last supper. Today, it has been champagne wishes and caviar dreams all the while consuming 200 oz of clear liquids. Green tea for breakfast, water, water, water, oh did I mention water? - and two cups of coffee, then some more tea, and finally - when I was at my breaking point - white cranberry juice and Italian Ice. It is only quarter after 2 and I'm spent. Also, I have been evacuating my bowels like gangbusters. Puzzling to say the least.
Now lest my rant wear out its welcome, dear GGs please tell me how on earth someone with no food in their system is called to the loo thrice in the space of 30 minutes with epic squirts? How is this possible? Where is it coming from? All I can say is pity the poor soul (read: my father) who has to drive me to/pick me up from the facility tomorrow, making sure I don't crap my pants in public. I'm not above Depends. Honestly.
For those of you who have done it, you know there is nothing else on earth like feeling the urge come over you with nowhere to run. Then there's the faint gurgle and the sudden warmth in your drawers that confirms it: yep, you shat yourself or sharted or whatever. It happened. Get over it. (except you can't because it's probably the single most embarrassing occurrence you will ever have. Anyone, ah, care to vouch for this one?)
Additionally, for those who know the drill with any kind of "-oscopy/biopsy" there's an unpleasant flushing of the bowels that must occur, catalyzed by super-sized doses of Miralax shaken in giant bottles of Gatorade. I have yet to embark on this adventure but it makes me wonder: if I'm already quite free flowing at the moment, what in the name of holy Dulcolax s is going to happen to me when I put that on top of my current condition?
How very exciting-a futile experiment in the making! Can't wait to tell you all about it...
Until I come to, my friends -
xoxo,
GG
Please.
Someone.
In preparation for delightful testing tomorrow, I have not been able to eat food since 8:00 pm last night. I went for an invigorating run: my first since Saturday (tragic, I know) and feasted on banana and peanut butter for my last supper. Today, it has been champagne wishes and caviar dreams all the while consuming 200 oz of clear liquids. Green tea for breakfast, water, water, water, oh did I mention water? - and two cups of coffee, then some more tea, and finally - when I was at my breaking point - white cranberry juice and Italian Ice. It is only quarter after 2 and I'm spent. Also, I have been evacuating my bowels like gangbusters. Puzzling to say the least.
Now lest my rant wear out its welcome, dear GGs please tell me how on earth someone with no food in their system is called to the loo thrice in the space of 30 minutes with epic squirts? How is this possible? Where is it coming from? All I can say is pity the poor soul (read: my father) who has to drive me to/pick me up from the facility tomorrow, making sure I don't crap my pants in public. I'm not above Depends. Honestly.
For those of you who have done it, you know there is nothing else on earth like feeling the urge come over you with nowhere to run. Then there's the faint gurgle and the sudden warmth in your drawers that confirms it: yep, you shat yourself or sharted or whatever. It happened. Get over it. (except you can't because it's probably the single most embarrassing occurrence you will ever have. Anyone, ah, care to vouch for this one?)
Additionally, for those who know the drill with any kind of "-oscopy/biopsy" there's an unpleasant flushing of the bowels that must occur, catalyzed by super-sized doses of Miralax shaken in giant bottles of Gatorade. I have yet to embark on this adventure but it makes me wonder: if I'm already quite free flowing at the moment, what in the name of holy Dulcolax s is going to happen to me when I put that on top of my current condition?
How very exciting-a futile experiment in the making! Can't wait to tell you all about it...
Until I come to, my friends -
xoxo,
GG
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
A Nearly Incident-Free Excursion! (Three cheers for omelets.)
This GG returned to the homestead late afternoon on Labor Day after three glorious days in the clear when WHAM-O, poor Biff seemed to have caught the IBS bug. After nursing my dear one back to health, I, too, succumbed to the curse of the gurgles. Foiled again!
What had been an excellent, care-free weekend quickly devolved into the dueling toilet seats. Was it something we ate? But no! We - well, I had been so careful. In fact, I had barely had a real "meal" since the smorgasbord on Saturday. I was content to graze like a gazelle but even that was not enough to stop the wrath of IBS.
As Biff began to feel a bit better - poor thing, his pains laid him out flat with a heating pad! And he didn't even get a turkey leg or meat on a stick at Ye Olde Ren Faire - I realized my time had come: I took to the bed, crumpled in the familiar position of discomfort. I had a case of the death farts/burps for a good two hours before passing out from sheer exhaustion. Then sometime in the wee hours of the morning it hit me. I launched myself into the bathroom just in time to heave everything I had into the commode, face first. I'll spare you the rank details but let's just say it was reminiscent of that fateful train ride to hell and back.
(Nothing kills romance faster than epic ogre gas. I am thankful every day that I have found my ogre soul mate who can laugh his ass off while simultaneously dutch-ovening me in my own stench. Sheer kismet.)
The next day at work was no picnic. I could seriously have walked around with a tether to the ladies' room, that's how far away I was at any given time. Full on squirts all day, all night and boy, did they come on fast! I actually woke up twice during deep slumber to unload the bi-products of fickle digestion. This is absolutely NOT normal for IBS, or so my new GI tells me.
This morning was my follow-up appointment and I decided on a female doctor this time because, well, we're built the same way and I'm just more comfortable with her level of expertise. (She knows of what she speaks.)
Dear GGs, it looks like I have not escaped the experience of invasive testing after all. I have scheduled my procedures and will write back with details once I have them. My IBS could very well be IBS with further complications or it could be something else entirely. If there's anything to take away from this post, it would be the following:
*Don't settle for one doctor's opinion, just because he/she is the first specialist you saw.
*Recount your discomfort in as much detail as possible: if something sounds odd, a specialist will know. He or she needs to hear everything that's happened in order to know how to proceed.
*If something like nocturnal vomiting/diarrhea persists - call your doctor immediately. This is not normal, even for IBSers.
*Ask lots of questions and do your research beforehand so you can have a more balanced conversation with your doctor about what lies ahead of you. It's a long road made more comfortable by open and honest communication.
*Find someone who loves you, farts and all
(In all seriousness, this is crucial. You can't hide IBS, you can't control it, odors/sounds will
eek out and you will have to acknowledge the presence of gurgle guts so it might as well be
with someone with a sense of humor and compassion. Mine's already taken so find your own
ogre!)
What had been an excellent, care-free weekend quickly devolved into the dueling toilet seats. Was it something we ate? But no! We - well, I had been so careful. In fact, I had barely had a real "meal" since the smorgasbord on Saturday. I was content to graze like a gazelle but even that was not enough to stop the wrath of IBS.
As Biff began to feel a bit better - poor thing, his pains laid him out flat with a heating pad! And he didn't even get a turkey leg or meat on a stick at Ye Olde Ren Faire - I realized my time had come: I took to the bed, crumpled in the familiar position of discomfort. I had a case of the death farts/burps for a good two hours before passing out from sheer exhaustion. Then sometime in the wee hours of the morning it hit me. I launched myself into the bathroom just in time to heave everything I had into the commode, face first. I'll spare you the rank details but let's just say it was reminiscent of that fateful train ride to hell and back.
(Nothing kills romance faster than epic ogre gas. I am thankful every day that I have found my ogre soul mate who can laugh his ass off while simultaneously dutch-ovening me in my own stench. Sheer kismet.)
The next day at work was no picnic. I could seriously have walked around with a tether to the ladies' room, that's how far away I was at any given time. Full on squirts all day, all night and boy, did they come on fast! I actually woke up twice during deep slumber to unload the bi-products of fickle digestion. This is absolutely NOT normal for IBS, or so my new GI tells me.
This morning was my follow-up appointment and I decided on a female doctor this time because, well, we're built the same way and I'm just more comfortable with her level of expertise. (She knows of what she speaks.)
Dear GGs, it looks like I have not escaped the experience of invasive testing after all. I have scheduled my procedures and will write back with details once I have them. My IBS could very well be IBS with further complications or it could be something else entirely. If there's anything to take away from this post, it would be the following:
*Don't settle for one doctor's opinion, just because he/she is the first specialist you saw.
*Recount your discomfort in as much detail as possible: if something sounds odd, a specialist will know. He or she needs to hear everything that's happened in order to know how to proceed.
*If something like nocturnal vomiting/diarrhea persists - call your doctor immediately. This is not normal, even for IBSers.
*Ask lots of questions and do your research beforehand so you can have a more balanced conversation with your doctor about what lies ahead of you. It's a long road made more comfortable by open and honest communication.
*Find someone who loves you, farts and all
(In all seriousness, this is crucial. You can't hide IBS, you can't control it, odors/sounds will
eek out and you will have to acknowledge the presence of gurgle guts so it might as well be
with someone with a sense of humor and compassion. Mine's already taken so find your own
ogre!)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The Importance of Being Earnest
Yes, it's a pain, but it's also a very smart idea. I'm talking about keeping a food log each day, for as long as it takes to establish a pattern/routine/safety dance. Do I love jotting down every piece of food that passes though my lips? Heck no! Most times I feel like one of those exorexics who keep fitness logs down to the tenth of a second and chronicle all calorie consumption obsessively. But that's not the point of the log: the point is to heighten your awareness of personal triggers and to keep the dialogue with your body open. It's as informative as it is exacting but guess what? Small price to pay for feeling good. What goes in must come out and wouldn't you rather it be just another trip to the john and not, you know, Apocalypse Now?
Here's an example from last weekend's entries (I take the good with the bad, the darkness with the light, the sweet with the...ok - you get it.)
Sunday - August 30
7:15 am Coffee
7:30 4 oz Kefir yogurt drink
8:00 4oz whey protein shake
9:00 am watermelon
*feel too full for typical pre-run banana (uh-oh...bad move)
9:54 am begin run (supposed to be going 8 miles)
chug 10 oz Gatorade - nausea commences about 25 min. into run
*(I now know that I cannot have Gatorade/G2 and run. It actually upsets a lot of people's
systems so I cross this off the list and move on.)
32 minutes in, 1 packet Espresso Love Gu - nausea diminishes within 10 minutes (this is the carb/electrolyte packet and it really does help.)
Side note: I continued running normally for the duration, but let me tell you, it was not a picnic. I literally thought I was going to eat it on the Schuylkill trail somewhere between Betzwood and Norristown. Poor Biff! He was just trying to get a normal training run in when GG struck me unawares! We're both training for the Philadelphia Half Marathon (81 days away!) and this kind of shitteous nonsense has happened before but never this bad. Did I overdo it a bit coming off two weeks of nothing but applesauce, bananas and soup? Maybe. But I really, really wanted to run and I wanted to do it fast. The great thing about IBS is that you can pretty much kiss all certainty and planning goodbye. (Just plan to be surprised, know what I'm sayin'?) SO kids, don't temp fate. Stick to your routine, even if you happen to be feeling strong at that moment, and hope that all goes smoothly.
Post-run lunch:
1 tuna roll, 1 California roll with brown rice, 1 diet green tea
Snack: 2:45 pm Dairy Queen - medium Reese's Blizzard (aka DEATH)
Starbucks iced macchiato - 6:00 pm (idiot...I guess I lost track of the time of day - caffeine after 3:00 pm is bad bad bad)
8:30 pm: trail mix b/c I'm still full from all that lovely dairy (almonds, peanuts, dark chocolate pieces, dried mango and apricot)
***Start feeling like hell around midnight. Relieve myself three times between 6 pm and morning.
Monday - August 31
6:00 am pilates
*feel gross when I wake up, bloated, queasy but sometimes stretching/using those muscles helps. This time it doesn't.
6:20 am: 3 tablespoons plain yogurt, 1 banana, a splash of soy milk, handful of spinach, 1 scoop whey powder (blend) - 8 oz shake
9:45 am Fage with Almond Agave Granola (huge mistake: this granola has oats. durrrrrr.)
10:30 am A bunch of purple grapes (thoroughly washed)
12:00 pm handful of cocoa almonds
Feeling weak, sweaty, dizzy, nauseous - overwhelmingly nauseous and...
1:15 pm - vomited (into my trashcan, at my desk. :Applause:)
***
Addendum: Remedy here was actually puking. I felt worlds better after 1:30 pm and sipped some chicken soup with rice and my strength returned.
***
So, you see, if you keep track of all this seemingly inconsequential minutia, then you can look back at your daily consumption and pinpoint where things took a turn for the worse. It happens. We all screw up (note the rumheaded trip to DQ and, to add dairy to dairy, Starbucks in the early evening. Guten timen.)
xoxo,
GG
Here's an example from last weekend's entries (I take the good with the bad, the darkness with the light, the sweet with the...ok - you get it.)
Sunday - August 30
7:15 am Coffee
7:30 4 oz Kefir yogurt drink
8:00 4oz whey protein shake
9:00 am watermelon
*feel too full for typical pre-run banana (uh-oh...bad move)
9:54 am begin run (supposed to be going 8 miles)
chug 10 oz Gatorade - nausea commences about 25 min. into run
*(I now know that I cannot have Gatorade/G2 and run. It actually upsets a lot of people's
systems so I cross this off the list and move on.)
32 minutes in, 1 packet Espresso Love Gu - nausea diminishes within 10 minutes (this is the carb/electrolyte packet and it really does help.)
Side note: I continued running normally for the duration, but let me tell you, it was not a picnic. I literally thought I was going to eat it on the Schuylkill trail somewhere between Betzwood and Norristown. Poor Biff! He was just trying to get a normal training run in when GG struck me unawares! We're both training for the Philadelphia Half Marathon (81 days away!) and this kind of shitteous nonsense has happened before but never this bad. Did I overdo it a bit coming off two weeks of nothing but applesauce, bananas and soup? Maybe. But I really, really wanted to run and I wanted to do it fast. The great thing about IBS is that you can pretty much kiss all certainty and planning goodbye. (Just plan to be surprised, know what I'm sayin'?) SO kids, don't temp fate. Stick to your routine, even if you happen to be feeling strong at that moment, and hope that all goes smoothly.
Post-run lunch:
1 tuna roll, 1 California roll with brown rice, 1 diet green tea
Snack: 2:45 pm Dairy Queen - medium Reese's Blizzard (aka DEATH)
Starbucks iced macchiato - 6:00 pm (idiot...I guess I lost track of the time of day - caffeine after 3:00 pm is bad bad bad)
8:30 pm: trail mix b/c I'm still full from all that lovely dairy (almonds, peanuts, dark chocolate pieces, dried mango and apricot)
***Start feeling like hell around midnight. Relieve myself three times between 6 pm and morning.
Monday - August 31
6:00 am pilates
*feel gross when I wake up, bloated, queasy but sometimes stretching/using those muscles helps. This time it doesn't.
6:20 am: 3 tablespoons plain yogurt, 1 banana, a splash of soy milk, handful of spinach, 1 scoop whey powder (blend) - 8 oz shake
9:45 am Fage with Almond Agave Granola (huge mistake: this granola has oats. durrrrrr.)
10:30 am A bunch of purple grapes (thoroughly washed)
12:00 pm handful of cocoa almonds
Feeling weak, sweaty, dizzy, nauseous - overwhelmingly nauseous and...
1:15 pm - vomited (into my trashcan, at my desk. :Applause:)
***
Addendum: Remedy here was actually puking. I felt worlds better after 1:30 pm and sipped some chicken soup with rice and my strength returned.
***
So, you see, if you keep track of all this seemingly inconsequential minutia, then you can look back at your daily consumption and pinpoint where things took a turn for the worse. It happens. We all screw up (note the rumheaded trip to DQ and, to add dairy to dairy, Starbucks in the early evening. Guten timen.)
xoxo,
GG
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
99 Problems and the Shits are 1: Leaving on a Jet Plane
I've got to set the stage a bit. There I am, five months into the new job, enjoying myself, living a well-balanced and healthy lifestyle. This is the TP, the turning point in my struggle with IBS and the beginning of the road that leads to an official diagnosis.
May 20, 2009 - 10:00 pm
I return home, triumphant from a victorious company softball game and a pleasant dinner out with my teammates. We ate at [unnamed iconic pizza joint in Princeton] and I ordered the meatball sub (6 inch, no cheese.) By this point, I have been seriously running since March - I've decided if my boyfriend can run marathons, so can I. I am in great shape, I'm building mileage slowly and steadily and I've been eating really clean, really well. I figured, ok...no healthy options on this menu so at least I can get the sub and not eat the bread - just the balls. Right? WRONG. So, so wrong.
The gurgles start around bedtime but I drink some water, think nothing of it. I wake up and I have a bit of the runs - fabulous. Oh well, I've got one-and-a-half days of work left before my vacation to Oregon with my best friend. I push through it. At lunch on May 21 we go to Thai food as a department. It was someone's birthday and a momentous occasion since we rarely dine together outside the office. I decide to be cautious and order some chicken with vegetables in brown sauce, thinking it will be mild on my stomach. Not so much. 3:00 pm rolls around and I am doubled over with pain. I'm cramping, gurgling audibly, farting all over the place and worse, having to run to the bathroom. (I am fond of the word "fart" in all its manifestations. Deal with it.) Then come the acidic, death-in-the-bowels burps. That's a big uh-oh for me because it means I am going to be sick. This is terrible but I stick it out. Only half a day to go! My flight leaves Friday around 6:30 PM so I have to leave work by 3:00 to get to Newark. Too much to do, too much to do...
Friday, May 22
I have been up all night heaving. I am melting, melting! I am going to choke on my own vomit or worse, void my bowels through my rear end. I check the commode each time I release more toxic waste out one end or the other to see if I've left any vital parts in the bowl. Nope. Nothing. Am I sure I did not just pass my intestines through my anus? The force at which the bile is leaving my system could easily rival that of Linda Blair. It is dreadful. But damn it, I have a trip to the West Coast and I am not about to give that up over Memorial Day Weekend. So I lug my suitcase and my heaving bones into my car, drive to work, almost hurl out the window on the way, and make it into the office in one piece.
I am told by several people that day that I look kind of gray. (Gee, thanks. I'll work on that tan in Portland.) When it comes time to leave for the airport, I board the Dinky with trepidation. My half-mile walk across campus has taken a lot of energy out of me and I am full-on nauseous. Oh God. I just might spew on these nice people next to me...I contain it for the six minute shuttle ride to P.J., rush off the car and into the bushes where I dry heave. No one bats an eye, I'm that stealth about it. Then I muster the courage to cross under the tracks to board the Northeast Corridor Line of NJ Transit. No sooner am I in the vestibule of the train that it comes over me. I launch myself onto the handicap row and spread out. The conductor passes through, looks at me, moves on. Clearly I am not some homeless bum. I had the presence of mind to clutch my ticket stub in my limp hand, J.I.C.
Before I know it, I have a travel companion. A tiny Princeton student clearly en route back to her native land with a suitcase bigger than her body perches RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I am too ill to be irritated but I should have warned her to step away. Her loss. She pops in her earbuds not a moment too soon. As the train lurches forward the sweats are upon me. I am caught up in an overwhelming feeling of volcanic churning just below the surface. I rip out my barf bag which I have stuffed into the front pocket of my suitcase, lean forward, open my lips and let loose the liquid hot magma gorge of Vesuvius. It is rank. Half of it misses the bag and lands squarely on my jeans and trickles down to pool on the gum-dotted floor of the car. Well shit. That's probably the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me. Barfing in a public place is bad - I'll write about the infamous Patti LuPone debacle in another post. (I am STILL fuming about that one.) But barfing on oneself takes the cake.
Tiny traveler doesn't look up. She doesn't move. What is wrong with people? I wipe my mouth, bust out the disinfectant wipes and go to work on my jeans. Then I think, well, this smells awful...someone is bound to get a whiff in the next car. We can't have that now, can we? No. So I pour water all over the slopped vomit like a tipsy sailor spills rum on deck. Drip drip splash and good - that's working, it's washing away...it still smells like puke but I'm not a middle school janitor with a bucket o' sawdust. I sprinkle some Purell to mask the odor and pull myself together. The conductor passes through and sniffs the air, wrinkles his brow, looks at me and I hand over my ticket, then he walks away.
30 minutes later we pull into the airport. I am supposed to meet not only my BFF but my BF who is on a layover in between flights. I call my friend "Thelma" who says she's still on the train out of the city. OK...I'm walking like a geriatric who's just had a hip replacement. I'm gurgling with pain still, everything churning about. There's still more bile to come. I can feel it rising up against me. Then, pathetic as I am, I call "Biff." He's there and says he'll come meet me at AirTrain. HURRY UP, I croak into the phone. I board yet another moving vehicle to take me to Terminal C. Some poor soul gets in my car. Not smart, dude. I may shit myself at any minute. The space-age capsule is hot in the direct sunlight. I am literally doing Lamaze breathing techniques and bracing myself - standing upright - against the rail to keep from passing out. Finally the twee little voice chirps "Terminal C" - thank you sweet Jesus Christ! I am delivered!
There's my darling Biff, waiting for me in his little Brooks Brothers non-iron shirt: crisp blue and hot as my sweaty brow and under normal circumstances, I would have leapt into his arms right there. Now I sort of shuffle squat off the shuttle as he hands me a giant bottle of Fiji water and takes my bag. I bury my head in his chest and groan, "I smell like vomit. I puked on myself on the train." He pats my head like one would, a small child who has just had an accident in public. He is so sweet and patient and sick as I am, I feel just a little bit better not to be doing this on my own. When Thelma gets there, she'll look out for me. But for now, we walk side by side to the Hudson News kiosk where I buy Pepto Bismal and Imodium to get me through the night.
And so it goes: the best of times, the worst of time...IBS is our constant companion.
-GG
May 20, 2009 - 10:00 pm
I return home, triumphant from a victorious company softball game and a pleasant dinner out with my teammates. We ate at [unnamed iconic pizza joint in Princeton] and I ordered the meatball sub (6 inch, no cheese.) By this point, I have been seriously running since March - I've decided if my boyfriend can run marathons, so can I. I am in great shape, I'm building mileage slowly and steadily and I've been eating really clean, really well. I figured, ok...no healthy options on this menu so at least I can get the sub and not eat the bread - just the balls. Right? WRONG. So, so wrong.
The gurgles start around bedtime but I drink some water, think nothing of it. I wake up and I have a bit of the runs - fabulous. Oh well, I've got one-and-a-half days of work left before my vacation to Oregon with my best friend. I push through it. At lunch on May 21 we go to Thai food as a department. It was someone's birthday and a momentous occasion since we rarely dine together outside the office. I decide to be cautious and order some chicken with vegetables in brown sauce, thinking it will be mild on my stomach. Not so much. 3:00 pm rolls around and I am doubled over with pain. I'm cramping, gurgling audibly, farting all over the place and worse, having to run to the bathroom. (I am fond of the word "fart" in all its manifestations. Deal with it.) Then come the acidic, death-in-the-bowels burps. That's a big uh-oh for me because it means I am going to be sick. This is terrible but I stick it out. Only half a day to go! My flight leaves Friday around 6:30 PM so I have to leave work by 3:00 to get to Newark. Too much to do, too much to do...
Friday, May 22
I have been up all night heaving. I am melting, melting! I am going to choke on my own vomit or worse, void my bowels through my rear end. I check the commode each time I release more toxic waste out one end or the other to see if I've left any vital parts in the bowl. Nope. Nothing. Am I sure I did not just pass my intestines through my anus? The force at which the bile is leaving my system could easily rival that of Linda Blair. It is dreadful. But damn it, I have a trip to the West Coast and I am not about to give that up over Memorial Day Weekend. So I lug my suitcase and my heaving bones into my car, drive to work, almost hurl out the window on the way, and make it into the office in one piece.
I am told by several people that day that I look kind of gray. (Gee, thanks. I'll work on that tan in Portland.) When it comes time to leave for the airport, I board the Dinky with trepidation. My half-mile walk across campus has taken a lot of energy out of me and I am full-on nauseous. Oh God. I just might spew on these nice people next to me...I contain it for the six minute shuttle ride to P.J., rush off the car and into the bushes where I dry heave. No one bats an eye, I'm that stealth about it. Then I muster the courage to cross under the tracks to board the Northeast Corridor Line of NJ Transit. No sooner am I in the vestibule of the train that it comes over me. I launch myself onto the handicap row and spread out. The conductor passes through, looks at me, moves on. Clearly I am not some homeless bum. I had the presence of mind to clutch my ticket stub in my limp hand, J.I.C.
Before I know it, I have a travel companion. A tiny Princeton student clearly en route back to her native land with a suitcase bigger than her body perches RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I am too ill to be irritated but I should have warned her to step away. Her loss. She pops in her earbuds not a moment too soon. As the train lurches forward the sweats are upon me. I am caught up in an overwhelming feeling of volcanic churning just below the surface. I rip out my barf bag which I have stuffed into the front pocket of my suitcase, lean forward, open my lips and let loose the liquid hot magma gorge of Vesuvius. It is rank. Half of it misses the bag and lands squarely on my jeans and trickles down to pool on the gum-dotted floor of the car. Well shit. That's probably the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me. Barfing in a public place is bad - I'll write about the infamous Patti LuPone debacle in another post. (I am STILL fuming about that one.) But barfing on oneself takes the cake.
Tiny traveler doesn't look up. She doesn't move. What is wrong with people? I wipe my mouth, bust out the disinfectant wipes and go to work on my jeans. Then I think, well, this smells awful...someone is bound to get a whiff in the next car. We can't have that now, can we? No. So I pour water all over the slopped vomit like a tipsy sailor spills rum on deck. Drip drip splash and good - that's working, it's washing away...it still smells like puke but I'm not a middle school janitor with a bucket o' sawdust. I sprinkle some Purell to mask the odor and pull myself together. The conductor passes through and sniffs the air, wrinkles his brow, looks at me and I hand over my ticket, then he walks away.
30 minutes later we pull into the airport. I am supposed to meet not only my BFF but my BF who is on a layover in between flights. I call my friend "Thelma" who says she's still on the train out of the city. OK...I'm walking like a geriatric who's just had a hip replacement. I'm gurgling with pain still, everything churning about. There's still more bile to come. I can feel it rising up against me. Then, pathetic as I am, I call "Biff." He's there and says he'll come meet me at AirTrain. HURRY UP, I croak into the phone. I board yet another moving vehicle to take me to Terminal C. Some poor soul gets in my car. Not smart, dude. I may shit myself at any minute. The space-age capsule is hot in the direct sunlight. I am literally doing Lamaze breathing techniques and bracing myself - standing upright - against the rail to keep from passing out. Finally the twee little voice chirps "Terminal C" - thank you sweet Jesus Christ! I am delivered!
There's my darling Biff, waiting for me in his little Brooks Brothers non-iron shirt: crisp blue and hot as my sweaty brow and under normal circumstances, I would have leapt into his arms right there. Now I sort of shuffle squat off the shuttle as he hands me a giant bottle of Fiji water and takes my bag. I bury my head in his chest and groan, "I smell like vomit. I puked on myself on the train." He pats my head like one would, a small child who has just had an accident in public. He is so sweet and patient and sick as I am, I feel just a little bit better not to be doing this on my own. When Thelma gets there, she'll look out for me. But for now, we walk side by side to the Hudson News kiosk where I buy Pepto Bismal and Imodium to get me through the night.
And so it goes: the best of times, the worst of time...IBS is our constant companion.
-GG
Road Trip! Corn Mazes and Barnstormin' - hope you packed the Depends
(A little incontinence humor makes it a good pre-holiday Friday...)
Dear GGAs -
I am about to embark on a short Labor Day trek. I cannot tell you my whereabouts because I am going under cover with John Brook - I mean, Biff. ;)
I promise to blog all about it upon my return. Suffice it to say I will not be enjoying any of the following: homemade doughnuts/breads/cookies, apple dumplings, steel cut oats. Alas, such is the fate of my gluten intolerance. There will be plenty of bacon and omelets to go around so at least I have the Atkins smorgasbord to look forward to!
In preparing for this trip, I have some helpful hints to all you newbie IBSers!
*Be honest with your travel companions. If you're going with a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, chances are they already know about your, um, condition. If they don't, there's no time like the present to tell 'em! After all, you can't really hide a bout of explosive diarrhea when you're sharing a hotel room or - saints preserve you - tent with someone. No need to detail your medical history; be short and sweet. "Hello, my name is GG and I suffer from IBS so I'm really going to tread lightly on this trip." You know, it's not like they can't enjoy stuffing their faces with their usual fare. You won't freak out if they eat a double cheeseburger in front of you, right? Heck no! Because you're a woman in control and you know and love your body, whether it rejects processed meat and gluten or not!
*Never leave home unprepared for disaster. Think of your weakest moment thus far and bring a remedy kit with everything you think you'll need to patch yourself up and have a good time, despite the bump in the road/kink in the intestines. My kit includes Benefiber single serving packets (just add water!), Tums, Pepcid, Bentyl (though I hate it so - it does admittedly stop the Hershey squirts) and yogurt. Yes, I travel with ice packs and coolers. Is it practical? Not terribly but if it works, it works. I also recommend taking road-friendly snacks like apples, bananas, and trail mix so you aren't forced to seek sustenance at IBS-unfriendly rest stops.
*Do your research beforehand. Make sure you check with the hotel to see if they have a fridge in the room. You can bring your own supplies this way, or buy them locally. Scope out the area to see what stores are nearby and try to stick to your typical diet of 'safe foods.' If you eat yogurt every day, buy some and keep it in your room. If you have special beverages that calm your system, bring them!
*Don't tempt the bowel gods. I completely understand the desire to eat locally, sample the cultural food and beverage offerings, etc. but be REALISTIC. Don't push your system to the limit all in the name of vacation. You will live to regret it, I assure you. If you *do* feel tempted by the funnel cake at the local fair, at least bring your emergency kit with you and for the love of the Dutch, split it with someone who's looking out for you and knows what aftershocks may come from ingesting the crispy golden doughy fried delight. (Just don't write me complaining. I don't want to hear it. I've had my own dairy disaster, thanks. So not worth it.)
*Think positively, take it one day at a time. So you feel good today? That's great. See above and keep your head in the present. Don't stress about tomorrow and 'what-ifs.' Keep your routine up! Go for that 3 mile walk or run each morning, don't write it off just because you're not at home. If you're able to minimize variables, chances are you will have nothing but pleasant memories of your getaway with friends and loved ones.
Hope this offers a bit of perspective! Now I'm off pack my bonnet and shit-kickers...
Regularly yours (for 48 hours!),
GG
Dear GGAs -
I am about to embark on a short Labor Day trek. I cannot tell you my whereabouts because I am going under cover with John Brook - I mean, Biff. ;)
I promise to blog all about it upon my return. Suffice it to say I will not be enjoying any of the following: homemade doughnuts/breads/cookies, apple dumplings, steel cut oats. Alas, such is the fate of my gluten intolerance. There will be plenty of bacon and omelets to go around so at least I have the Atkins smorgasbord to look forward to!
In preparing for this trip, I have some helpful hints to all you newbie IBSers!
*Be honest with your travel companions. If you're going with a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, chances are they already know about your, um, condition. If they don't, there's no time like the present to tell 'em! After all, you can't really hide a bout of explosive diarrhea when you're sharing a hotel room or - saints preserve you - tent with someone. No need to detail your medical history; be short and sweet. "Hello, my name is GG and I suffer from IBS so I'm really going to tread lightly on this trip." You know, it's not like they can't enjoy stuffing their faces with their usual fare. You won't freak out if they eat a double cheeseburger in front of you, right? Heck no! Because you're a woman in control and you know and love your body, whether it rejects processed meat and gluten or not!
*Never leave home unprepared for disaster. Think of your weakest moment thus far and bring a remedy kit with everything you think you'll need to patch yourself up and have a good time, despite the bump in the road/kink in the intestines. My kit includes Benefiber single serving packets (just add water!), Tums, Pepcid, Bentyl (though I hate it so - it does admittedly stop the Hershey squirts) and yogurt. Yes, I travel with ice packs and coolers. Is it practical? Not terribly but if it works, it works. I also recommend taking road-friendly snacks like apples, bananas, and trail mix so you aren't forced to seek sustenance at IBS-unfriendly rest stops.
*Do your research beforehand. Make sure you check with the hotel to see if they have a fridge in the room. You can bring your own supplies this way, or buy them locally. Scope out the area to see what stores are nearby and try to stick to your typical diet of 'safe foods.' If you eat yogurt every day, buy some and keep it in your room. If you have special beverages that calm your system, bring them!
*Don't tempt the bowel gods. I completely understand the desire to eat locally, sample the cultural food and beverage offerings, etc. but be REALISTIC. Don't push your system to the limit all in the name of vacation. You will live to regret it, I assure you. If you *do* feel tempted by the funnel cake at the local fair, at least bring your emergency kit with you and for the love of the Dutch, split it with someone who's looking out for you and knows what aftershocks may come from ingesting the crispy golden doughy fried delight. (Just don't write me complaining. I don't want to hear it. I've had my own dairy disaster, thanks. So not worth it.)
*Think positively, take it one day at a time. So you feel good today? That's great. See above and keep your head in the present. Don't stress about tomorrow and 'what-ifs.' Keep your routine up! Go for that 3 mile walk or run each morning, don't write it off just because you're not at home. If you're able to minimize variables, chances are you will have nothing but pleasant memories of your getaway with friends and loved ones.
Hope this offers a bit of perspective! Now I'm off pack my bonnet and shit-kickers...
Regularly yours (for 48 hours!),
GG
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
What NOT to eat
Here I will attempt to list some tried-and-true things that trigger IBS symptoms but, as usual, this is not the law of the land. What works for me might not work for you. It all depends on your individual sensitivities so get out there and buy a little journal or setup a spreadsheet on your computer and honestly log every single morsel of food that you put in your mouth. If you are diligent, you will learn so much about yourself that will be helpful in the long run. Is it a pain? Yes. I've never been one to keep a diary or journal (or blog, even - oops...the cat's out of the bag!) but if you want to get better, you have to know what to avoid.
Think of it as a great experiment or a good excuse to live a healthier lifestyle, if that motivates you. Change it up if something isn't working for you and learn to be patient. This was the hardest thing for me and I still struggle with it. Wishing a flare-up away does not make it so. You need time and you need to relax so go into the journaling process knowing that it's a marathon and not a sprint. Pace yourself.
Foods to Avoid:
*Dairy (try eliminating all dairy products EXCEPT cultured yogurt for a week and see how you feel.)
*Alcohol (get over this one now. Alcohol and IBS do not a party make. If you want a beverage here or there on vacation, that's your call but realize that malt beverages especially will upset your system and wine is very acidic.)
*Refined Sugars
*Highly acidic foods (tomatoes, vinegars bother some people)
*Animal fats (this doesn't mean don't eat any meat or protein - this means lean options like chicken, fish and turkey are easier to digest than beef or pork.)
*Fried food (cease and desist!)
*Caffeine (again, not a trigger for everyone but it is a diuretic)
*Carbonated beverages (talk about bloat! If you're a soda drinker, say your goodbyes.)
Trial and error, friends, trial and error. If it's spicy and fatty and going to cause trouble, just say no. It's about using your brain and weighing the cause and effect. Have I screwed up before? Plenty. But you live and learn. Say you really, really want that sundae. Well then, go ahead and eat it but own it when you do. It's not going to be comfortable, is it? No. So learn to let go and make substitutions like soy frozen desserts or gluten-free brownies. Anything that stays calm in your system is a good thing!
Gentle Remedies:
*Peppermint oil/tea (in moderation! I've read several places that too much peppermint oil can be toxic so talk to your doctor/dietitian before starting a supplement.)
*Ginger tea
*Probiotic yogurt (especially the Greek style yogurts because they have more protein than any other kind. I particularly like Fage, Oikos, and Kefir dairy drink (it's essentially liquid yogurt, so yummy and tart and good for you.) -- this is where I plug Ac-tiv-i-aaaaaa. Jamie Lee is pretty awesome and you should definitely give it a try, since it's marketed to you (aka ladies.)
*If you've got exceptionally horrendous diarrhea and - like me - do not want to take antispasmodic medication, try boil-in-bag brown rice. Eat a little at a time but when you've boiled it on the stove, save the water and put it aside to cool. Drink this water and pop a Tums or a Pepcid and try to relax. It will bind you up in no time!
More on those mercurial antispasmodics later...that's a rant in itself. Anyone else have issues with the meds they've been prescribed?
Think of it as a great experiment or a good excuse to live a healthier lifestyle, if that motivates you. Change it up if something isn't working for you and learn to be patient. This was the hardest thing for me and I still struggle with it. Wishing a flare-up away does not make it so. You need time and you need to relax so go into the journaling process knowing that it's a marathon and not a sprint. Pace yourself.
Foods to Avoid:
*Dairy (try eliminating all dairy products EXCEPT cultured yogurt for a week and see how you feel.)
*Alcohol (get over this one now. Alcohol and IBS do not a party make. If you want a beverage here or there on vacation, that's your call but realize that malt beverages especially will upset your system and wine is very acidic.)
*Refined Sugars
*Highly acidic foods (tomatoes, vinegars bother some people)
*Animal fats (this doesn't mean don't eat any meat or protein - this means lean options like chicken, fish and turkey are easier to digest than beef or pork.)
*Fried food (cease and desist!)
*Caffeine (again, not a trigger for everyone but it is a diuretic)
*Carbonated beverages (talk about bloat! If you're a soda drinker, say your goodbyes.)
Trial and error, friends, trial and error. If it's spicy and fatty and going to cause trouble, just say no. It's about using your brain and weighing the cause and effect. Have I screwed up before? Plenty. But you live and learn. Say you really, really want that sundae. Well then, go ahead and eat it but own it when you do. It's not going to be comfortable, is it? No. So learn to let go and make substitutions like soy frozen desserts or gluten-free brownies. Anything that stays calm in your system is a good thing!
Gentle Remedies:
*Peppermint oil/tea (in moderation! I've read several places that too much peppermint oil can be toxic so talk to your doctor/dietitian before starting a supplement.)
*Ginger tea
*Probiotic yogurt (especially the Greek style yogurts because they have more protein than any other kind. I particularly like Fage, Oikos, and Kefir dairy drink (it's essentially liquid yogurt, so yummy and tart and good for you.) -- this is where I plug Ac-tiv-i-aaaaaa. Jamie Lee is pretty awesome and you should definitely give it a try, since it's marketed to you (aka ladies.)
*If you've got exceptionally horrendous diarrhea and - like me - do not want to take antispasmodic medication, try boil-in-bag brown rice. Eat a little at a time but when you've boiled it on the stove, save the water and put it aside to cool. Drink this water and pop a Tums or a Pepcid and try to relax. It will bind you up in no time!
More on those mercurial antispasmodics later...that's a rant in itself. Anyone else have issues with the meds they've been prescribed?
Let's Start at the Very Beginning
(A very good place to start.)
I couldn't resist. Hey, it's hump day! Live a little. Now for a a logical point of reference: birth.
I was born with a condition known as an omphalocele. Mine was fairly minor as far as these heart-pounding birth complications go but it has had lasting effects on my immune system and my digestive system. Because the guts protrude through the umbilical cord, my intestines were put back in my abdominal cavity in a non-rotative state. This means my intestines do not fit together like a normal person's: instead they sit side by side in dysfunctional bliss. I have thus always been able to "feel" digestion as it occurs, stage by stage. Gross, huh? Helpful, though, in determining what does and doesn't agree with my system.
Throughout childhood, I would have fairly frequent attacks of diarrhea/constipation. One time in fourth grade, I was so backed up I barricaded myself in the girl's bathroom for something like two hours at the end of the school day. I missed my bus home and my teacher had to come in and check on me and then call my dad to come pick me up. (Hey, when it's not happening, it's not happening and its agony!) I drank some cranberry juice, took a bath and was fine. Embarrassing? Hell yes. But little incidents like this were never really thought of as symptoms of a bigger picture condition.
At the age of seven or eight, I was put through a series of ultrasonds/upper G.I.s/M.R.I.s when my doctor thought I had a brain tumor because my headaches/nausea were so bad. Turns out I had Atypical migraines that were treatable with Ibuprofen and dietary modifications. Medical testing is no fun as a kid and it doesn't get any better as an adult but it's a necessity so I cannot stress enough: if something feels off go see someone who can point you in the right direction and get it properly looked at.
So flash forward to high school - nothing too out of the ordinary there. Although if I ate anything for lunch before those wretched Presidential Fitness tests in gym, I'd be looking at some fabulous stomach cramps, nausea and vomiting. I can't tell you how many times I puked after running for sports or doing laps on the track. The jostling combined with eating a meal did me no favors (even if that meal was a small as a power bar.) There are plenty of people with IBS who experience the same discomfort and embarrassment but you learn to listen to your body over time and recognize little steps that can help alleviate undesirable effects. **I'm going to start a regular "Active" section of this blog for all of your fitness related questions/concerns. I'm a runner myself so I know of what I speak.
Next came college and a largely sedentary, unhealthy lifestyle (ah, the woes of the novice entering into independence and a daily dining hall smorgasbord.) I honestly didn't have many flare-ups those first two years. Finally a light bulb went off before junior year and I started going to the gym everyday and really working hard and noticed that my as-yet-undiagnosed IBS symptoms, especially during times of stress or on vacations, returned on occasion. I changed my diet and things went along smoothly.
After graduation in Winter 2007, I started work in New York City. Things there were fine. I couldn't afford much so I didn't eat anything that fancy/spicy/complicated. (It was a ton of soup, salad and Subway - hey, $5 foot-longs take you through lunch and dinner. Don't judge.) Left that craptastic job after a year and moved to Princeton, NJ in January 2009. It was wonderful, things were looking up. I bought a car, met the love of my life, got a place to myself four times the size of my starter apartment and WHAM - then comes May and I am sick as a dog.
This needs its own post, it's just that epic. Indulge my teeny bit of emotional hyperbole and I promise you'll be entertained!
TO BE CONTINUTED...
-GG
I couldn't resist. Hey, it's hump day! Live a little. Now for a a logical point of reference: birth.
I was born with a condition known as an omphalocele. Mine was fairly minor as far as these heart-pounding birth complications go but it has had lasting effects on my immune system and my digestive system. Because the guts protrude through the umbilical cord, my intestines were put back in my abdominal cavity in a non-rotative state. This means my intestines do not fit together like a normal person's: instead they sit side by side in dysfunctional bliss. I have thus always been able to "feel" digestion as it occurs, stage by stage. Gross, huh? Helpful, though, in determining what does and doesn't agree with my system.
Throughout childhood, I would have fairly frequent attacks of diarrhea/constipation. One time in fourth grade, I was so backed up I barricaded myself in the girl's bathroom for something like two hours at the end of the school day. I missed my bus home and my teacher had to come in and check on me and then call my dad to come pick me up. (Hey, when it's not happening, it's not happening and its agony!) I drank some cranberry juice, took a bath and was fine. Embarrassing? Hell yes. But little incidents like this were never really thought of as symptoms of a bigger picture condition.
At the age of seven or eight, I was put through a series of ultrasonds/upper G.I.s/M.R.I.s when my doctor thought I had a brain tumor because my headaches/nausea were so bad. Turns out I had Atypical migraines that were treatable with Ibuprofen and dietary modifications. Medical testing is no fun as a kid and it doesn't get any better as an adult but it's a necessity so I cannot stress enough: if something feels off go see someone who can point you in the right direction and get it properly looked at.
So flash forward to high school - nothing too out of the ordinary there. Although if I ate anything for lunch before those wretched Presidential Fitness tests in gym, I'd be looking at some fabulous stomach cramps, nausea and vomiting. I can't tell you how many times I puked after running for sports or doing laps on the track. The jostling combined with eating a meal did me no favors (even if that meal was a small as a power bar.) There are plenty of people with IBS who experience the same discomfort and embarrassment but you learn to listen to your body over time and recognize little steps that can help alleviate undesirable effects. **I'm going to start a regular "Active" section of this blog for all of your fitness related questions/concerns. I'm a runner myself so I know of what I speak.
Next came college and a largely sedentary, unhealthy lifestyle (ah, the woes of the novice entering into independence and a daily dining hall smorgasbord.) I honestly didn't have many flare-ups those first two years. Finally a light bulb went off before junior year and I started going to the gym everyday and really working hard and noticed that my as-yet-undiagnosed IBS symptoms, especially during times of stress or on vacations, returned on occasion. I changed my diet and things went along smoothly.
After graduation in Winter 2007, I started work in New York City. Things there were fine. I couldn't afford much so I didn't eat anything that fancy/spicy/complicated. (It was a ton of soup, salad and Subway - hey, $5 foot-longs take you through lunch and dinner. Don't judge.) Left that craptastic job after a year and moved to Princeton, NJ in January 2009. It was wonderful, things were looking up. I bought a car, met the love of my life, got a place to myself four times the size of my starter apartment and WHAM - then comes May and I am sick as a dog.
This needs its own post, it's just that epic. Indulge my teeny bit of emotional hyperbole and I promise you'll be entertained!
TO BE CONTINUTED...
-GG
Reaching a Diagnosis
It's not a picnic, believe me, and the road truly is long and winding and different for every woman. (This will be said over and over again so I apologize in advance for the repetition but variability is a key factor of IBS.)
If you exhibit any of the following symptoms, hie thee to your health care provider:
*Diarrhea OR Constipation - generally one or the other but not both
*Frequent/Forceful urges to move your bowels
*Bloating (if your stomach is severely distended even after a bowel movement, contact your doctor immediately.)
*Excess Gas (extreme pressure/feelings of fullness, malodorous - ok, more so than your average fart, really disgusting "something died in my guts" smelling burps)
*Cramping (can be so bad it leaves you doubled over)
*Feeling weak/dizzy/nauseous for no apparent reason
*Loss of appetite
*Visible changes in bowel movements (are they odd shapes, colors, do they float? Are they soft-serve or rabbit poop? --If you have blood or mucus in the stool, call your doctor immediately. This is serious stuff.)
If you present at least three of these symptoms at the same time, it's worth making that phone call. Could it be a virus? Sure. But keep in mind most viruses only last five days or so. I had a "virus" for TWELVE days before I finally made the trip to the M.D. and gosh, was I glad I did. My first bout with IBS occured over Memorial Day weekend of this year and it only lasted about 4 or 5 days. The second time (July) was brief: two days after I had some pizza that didn't agree with me. The third time knocked me on my ass for two whole weeks in August so listen to your body screaming "H-E-L-P M-E!"
In addition to these classic symptoms, you may experience the following:
*Fatigue
*Trouble Sleeping
*Dry Heaves
*Chills/Sweats
*Anxiety
*Headaches
*Out of body feeling/not feeling like yourself
*Frequent urge to urinate
Don't jump to conclusions without consulting a professional! Outside influences like your period or stress can also contribute to these symptoms but if it's happened more than once and you find yourself at a loss to explain it, it could be IBS. Check out Web MD for further reading to get you started. It's a nice overview at the very least, provided you don't get paranoid and use the "symptom checker" application to excess.
If you exhibit any of the following symptoms, hie thee to your health care provider:
*Diarrhea OR Constipation - generally one or the other but not both
*Frequent/Forceful urges to move your bowels
*Bloating (if your stomach is severely distended even after a bowel movement, contact your doctor immediately.)
*Excess Gas (extreme pressure/feelings of fullness, malodorous - ok, more so than your average fart, really disgusting "something died in my guts" smelling burps)
*Cramping (can be so bad it leaves you doubled over)
*Feeling weak/dizzy/nauseous for no apparent reason
*Loss of appetite
*Visible changes in bowel movements (are they odd shapes, colors, do they float? Are they soft-serve or rabbit poop? --If you have blood or mucus in the stool, call your doctor immediately. This is serious stuff.)
If you present at least three of these symptoms at the same time, it's worth making that phone call. Could it be a virus? Sure. But keep in mind most viruses only last five days or so. I had a "virus" for TWELVE days before I finally made the trip to the M.D. and gosh, was I glad I did. My first bout with IBS occured over Memorial Day weekend of this year and it only lasted about 4 or 5 days. The second time (July) was brief: two days after I had some pizza that didn't agree with me. The third time knocked me on my ass for two whole weeks in August so listen to your body screaming "H-E-L-P M-E!"
In addition to these classic symptoms, you may experience the following:
*Fatigue
*Trouble Sleeping
*Dry Heaves
*Chills/Sweats
*Anxiety
*Headaches
*Out of body feeling/not feeling like yourself
*Frequent urge to urinate
Don't jump to conclusions without consulting a professional! Outside influences like your period or stress can also contribute to these symptoms but if it's happened more than once and you find yourself at a loss to explain it, it could be IBS. Check out Web MD for further reading to get you started. It's a nice overview at the very least, provided you don't get paranoid and use the "symptom checker" application to excess.
Not the blog I thought I'd be writing...
Not once in my burgeoning literary career did I sit down and exclaim, "I cannot WAIT to write a tell-all blog about Irritable Bowel Syndrome! It will be at turns bust-your-gut funny and honest, offering sassy advice and a well-rounded account of what it's like for millions of young women out there dealing with the condition." (Ineffectual masking of mission statement but really, who wants that to be their calling card? Not I said the English Major/Creative Writer...and yet here I am attempting to do exactly that.)
To be perfectly frank, I never thought I'd even get a legitimate IBS diagnosis, let alone feel compelled to broadcast my condition online to complete strangers. I have struggled with my "sensitive stomach" since birth. I'm sure that's how it starts for lots of little girls who wake up one day, fully grown, and realize that something has got to give, that their sensitivities are more than that and if they can't cure it, they have to at least educate themselves and hope to control it. IBS can be a real bitch, that's for sure. It interferes with work lives, play lives, love lives, inner lives: it's just, well, shitty. But for those of us who are lucky enough to be formally diagnosed, IBS symptoms are manageable over time with proper attentiveness and willpower. (Example: it's about knowing your body and listening to the good angel that says "Skip the DQ, sweet cheeks" and ignoring the fallen angel that says "But you LOVE ice cream!") After all, practice makes nearly perfect and I'm certainly still practicing along with you.
IBS is a real mind-blow at first and that's where I come in. I'd like to share with the masses my experiences with flare-ups and set-backs and everything good in between and to provide a place of refuge where comments are welcome along with reader advice and questions. Think of me as your Patroness of the Gurgling Gut (thus the title of this blog: "Gurgle Guts Anonymous" or GGA.) I am certainly no medical expert so please consult your doctor or G.I. Specialist before practicing any of my dietary advice as gospel truths. Most importantly, know that every body is different! It's like your period: uniquely mysterious, uniquely...inconvenient, yes, but it's part of your natural rhythms and rather than bemoan my fate, I've put my brain to what I view as a a real mission in educating young women and spreading the word about this very real and variable condition. I hope that you will benefit from my misadventures as you struggle to find humor in living with chronic gurgle gut and every pleasant side effect that comes with it!
Onward, darlings, one day at a time!
GG
To be perfectly frank, I never thought I'd even get a legitimate IBS diagnosis, let alone feel compelled to broadcast my condition online to complete strangers. I have struggled with my "sensitive stomach" since birth. I'm sure that's how it starts for lots of little girls who wake up one day, fully grown, and realize that something has got to give, that their sensitivities are more than that and if they can't cure it, they have to at least educate themselves and hope to control it. IBS can be a real bitch, that's for sure. It interferes with work lives, play lives, love lives, inner lives: it's just, well, shitty. But for those of us who are lucky enough to be formally diagnosed, IBS symptoms are manageable over time with proper attentiveness and willpower. (Example: it's about knowing your body and listening to the good angel that says "Skip the DQ, sweet cheeks" and ignoring the fallen angel that says "But you LOVE ice cream!") After all, practice makes nearly perfect and I'm certainly still practicing along with you.
IBS is a real mind-blow at first and that's where I come in. I'd like to share with the masses my experiences with flare-ups and set-backs and everything good in between and to provide a place of refuge where comments are welcome along with reader advice and questions. Think of me as your Patroness of the Gurgling Gut (thus the title of this blog: "Gurgle Guts Anonymous" or GGA.) I am certainly no medical expert so please consult your doctor or G.I. Specialist before practicing any of my dietary advice as gospel truths. Most importantly, know that every body is different! It's like your period: uniquely mysterious, uniquely...inconvenient, yes, but it's part of your natural rhythms and rather than bemoan my fate, I've put my brain to what I view as a a real mission in educating young women and spreading the word about this very real and variable condition. I hope that you will benefit from my misadventures as you struggle to find humor in living with chronic gurgle gut and every pleasant side effect that comes with it!
Onward, darlings, one day at a time!
GG
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